Mushroom Kingdom Pie
by That Geek
Summary: When the Princess reveals that she doesn't love Mario anymore, will he end it all? Or will the advice of the Koopa King keep him from doing so? Warning: Contains Peach Bashing.


_Smarty and the Geek present a short Fanfiction originally created as an Honors English project: Mushroom Kingdom Pie._

_Disclaimer: Mario and Co. are © to Nintendo. _

**Mushroom Kingdom Pie**

A short man in a red cap and shirt and blue denim overalls dashed over the cobbled floor of a dank castle. At one point, a large portion of the floor had given way to some sinkhole or other natural catastrophe, leaving a large gap between the floor the man was running on and the way forward. To any normal human being, this would be the end of the road, but this was no ordinary human being. The man easily confirmed this by, without missing a step, leaping higher than humanly possible and landing on the other side without a break in pace. Only one such man could jump like that, a man who shall be remembered throughout time, the legendary hero: Mario of the Mario Bros.

Mario continued along his way through the castle at breakneck speed. The previous darkness was gone, replaced by the fiery glow of lava that had collected in the gaps in the floor. Each time he leapt over a lava pit, an updraft of hot air made Mario's trademark mustache flap against his cheek bones. A rain of fire from the end of the corridor soon joined the fire from below in attempting to stop the mustachioed hero. However, it was to no avail as Mario dodged from side to side all while jumping like mad.

The source of the fire was soon revealed as the corridor opened up into the familiar throne room of the even more familiar Koopa King: Bowser. The large creature, appearing somewhat like a Chinese dragon in a spiked turtle shell reared his head and shot more fireballs at Mario. The plumber sighed and shook his head, for despite all appearances, this was way too easy. It was the same maneuver Bowser did every time Mario came here: roar, shoot fireballs, then jump and throw a barrage of hammers. Now he was jumping and starting to throw hammers so now was time to move. Mario dashed underneath Bowser while he was still airborne and made his way to the other end of the trapdoor Bowser was standing on. He then pulled on the lever and watched as Bowser yet again plummeted into the fiery depths. He'd be back, Mario was sure of that, but now was not the time to think of that, now was the time to be with a certain ever-imperiled princess.

Mario triumphantly strutted into the next chamber where a young woman with long blonde hair, wearing a long pink dress and with a thorny crown on her head was sitting in the corner. She looked up with a rather grouchy pout and tapped a pocket watch she had.

"You're late, getting slow in your old age?" she asked. Mario's mustache twitched in annoyance, it was every once in awhile that she got like this.

"I'm not old," the plumber argued. "Older than you, but not too incredibly old." The Princess snorted.

"Yeah, but you know who your time's lagging behind of?" she asked.

"Who?" Mario asked in response.

"Your brother: Luigi," the princess stated as though it was overly obvious. "And not that I don't like older men, but I think it's time we admit one thing, you're just too old for me." Tears were beginning to collect in his mustache.

"You mean, you're going to pick Luigi over me because he's younger?" the plumber blubbered. The Princess nodded curtly.

"Yes, now if you please I would like to return to my castle," she stated. Mario nodded sadly and led the way back through the castle to the outside and then to a larger and brighter castle on the other end of the kingdom.

In his dark castle, the Koopa King triumphantly strode into the corridor Mario always came out of. His guards had told him that the annoying plumber had returned and was asking for him outside. He stepped out of the main gate and smirked as his gaze fixed upon the little man.

"You gonna fight me punk?" he crowed in a dark voice. Surprisingly, Mario shook his head.

"No Bowser, I just have one request." Mario reached into the large, pouch-like pocket in the front of his overalls and took out a blindfold and a cigarette. He placed the cigarette in his mouth and placed the blindfold over his eyes. "Now if you could just, you know, shoot one of your fireballs at me so I die, that would be great," he muttered through his cigarette.

Bowser scratched his head. Now no one said he was the brightest bulb in the hardware store, but he knew that if Mario was willing to give up life then something must be wrong. However, Bowser could not show concern; he would look weak so he should say something scornful that would be at the same time helpful.

"_What_?" Bowser fake scoffed. "You want _me_ to_ kill you_; I thought that Mario the great and amazing _plumber_ was better than that!" Mario's mustache twitched as he sniffled.

"Princess Toadstool doesn't want me anymore; she says I'm too old." Again, Bowser was forced to use his signature "helpful scorn".

"So you're saying you're gonna commit suicide because some broad doesn't want you anymore?" Bowser barked with a false laugh. "And what's wrong with being old anyway? You get senior discounts at the movies and diners, and there are those poor sappy kids that are always asking to help you cross the street." As Bowser counted off those things that made being old so great, Mario pulled off his blindfold and stamped the cigarette into the ground.

"Bowser!" Mario cried joyfully as he ran forward and shook the Koopa King's enormous hand. "Oh thank you so much, I don't know what came over me then!" Bowser was heartily confused at how quickly Mario had changed his mind, maybe he had inhaled too much brimstone. Though, the idea of dinner discounts may have had something to do with it. Mario danced around for joy. "You know, you aren't half bad in your own right, I guess I'll be seeing you later." Mario shook Bowser's hand again and dashed off for the other castle. The Koopa King sighed and shook his head. He had to admit that a part of him was fond of the plumber, must be getting soft in his old age.

Back with the Princess in the castle, she was waiting for Luigi to show up. In the end, he did but in a most surprising way. Luigi was laughing with someone on the other side of the door. This person turned out to be, once the Princess got a good look around the door frame, none other than her own sister: Daisy. A soft chuckle from behind her made Princess Toadstool turn to see Mario with a smug grin.

"Guess you weren't expecting me after that suicide note huh?" Mario chuckled. "Well, turns out that an unlikely hero by the name of Bowser told me that I had much more to live for even if you didn't like me! So I can live out the rest of my days in peace and happiness with my brother Luigi and my, sorry I forgot to mention her earlier, future sister-in-law Daisy." The green plumber and brunette princess both waved.

"Sorry I forgot to tell you earlier but Luigi and I have loved each other ever since High School." The blonde princess' agape mouth only twitched in response. Mario walked over and patted Luigi on the shoulder.

"Come on Luigi, let's get some dinner, for some reason I've had a huge appetite ever since Bowser's pep talk." Luigi nodded and held his arm out for Daisy, who took it with a giggle. Princess Toadstool was left all alone after the three were gone and she turned away from the door with a little sniff. Someone knocked on the open door, revealed once she turned around to be Mario. "Hey, you comin'? Just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean we can't be friends." Her mouth twitched, and slowly but surely a smile came onto her face.

"I'd love to," she said and followed after Mario. Luigi could be seen tapping his foot in an annoyed fashion as they came forward.

"Come on, I hear they're making lots of spaghetti!" Luigi said angrily. Mario laughed and, though he was so much shorter, managed to put an arm around the shoulders of the other three.

"How could I think to leave all this behind?" Mario chucked and lead the way into the main city, for a good meal and a reminder of exactly how much he has in life.


End file.
